yes, I think so. in my few decades of being and observing relationships, I find that the quality of communication is of the surest indicators of relationship health..... and when I have had rocky patches with my husband of 23 years - ultimately it was the poor comms at fault rather than any other underlying issue. because just about any issue can be solved / accepted / integrated with good communication.....
Hmm. Doesn't this list pretty much describe you? Do you really want to spend a lot of time with someone who's so similar to you?
What about the thrill of growing and being challenged by someone who's very different, at least in some deep aspects?
My humbling experience is that, regardless of what we think we want, we have absolutely, zero control over who we fall in love with (or "click" with, or whatever you want to call it). My partner is completely unlike me, and it's infuriatingly wonderful. We've learned so much from each other, even as we evolve into two people who are so different from how they were when they first met.
The way I see it, since we don't control fate and encounters, all you can do is be extremely clear about what matters to you, live your life accordingly and then make sure you're completely upfront about it with everyone you meet.
And, in a way, you do this all the time, in your writing and expression. In fact, this post and its list is like a loving appreciation of yourself, of everything you've embodied. I just suspect that it could attract someone with qualities that will make you reconsider many points you thought were non-negotiable. ;-)
Thanks Patrick, appreciate your challenge questions. I do think that most adults do want to be around people who are quite similar to them, values-wise. There's a bit social science to back this up (assortative mating), and I would be surprised to meet a long-term functional couple who are completely different in fundamental values. The list I created seems to leave a good deal of wiggle room for particulars.
But yes, you are right, the list sounds a lot like me! And you're not the first to point that out ;)
I suppose I think of it as a bunch of values / intentions / ways of living that I strive for, and if I'm going to spend a lot of time around someone, I would like that to support each other in such striving. I struggle to imagine which of these points I might consider non-important moving forward, but hey, I guess it's possible!
I ove this list Blake. I would only add the importance of being good at communication - especially emotionally.
Agreed! I wrapped communication into one of the final statements, but it could certainly stand on its own (alongside emotional intelligence).
yes, I think so. in my few decades of being and observing relationships, I find that the quality of communication is of the surest indicators of relationship health..... and when I have had rocky patches with my husband of 23 years - ultimately it was the poor comms at fault rather than any other underlying issue. because just about any issue can be solved / accepted / integrated with good communication.....
100% agreed
The bonus points have me rofl 😂
👍🫡excellent list!🫶✨
Hmm. Doesn't this list pretty much describe you? Do you really want to spend a lot of time with someone who's so similar to you?
What about the thrill of growing and being challenged by someone who's very different, at least in some deep aspects?
My humbling experience is that, regardless of what we think we want, we have absolutely, zero control over who we fall in love with (or "click" with, or whatever you want to call it). My partner is completely unlike me, and it's infuriatingly wonderful. We've learned so much from each other, even as we evolve into two people who are so different from how they were when they first met.
The way I see it, since we don't control fate and encounters, all you can do is be extremely clear about what matters to you, live your life accordingly and then make sure you're completely upfront about it with everyone you meet.
And, in a way, you do this all the time, in your writing and expression. In fact, this post and its list is like a loving appreciation of yourself, of everything you've embodied. I just suspect that it could attract someone with qualities that will make you reconsider many points you thought were non-negotiable. ;-)
Thanks Patrick, appreciate your challenge questions. I do think that most adults do want to be around people who are quite similar to them, values-wise. There's a bit social science to back this up (assortative mating), and I would be surprised to meet a long-term functional couple who are completely different in fundamental values. The list I created seems to leave a good deal of wiggle room for particulars.
But yes, you are right, the list sounds a lot like me! And you're not the first to point that out ;)
I suppose I think of it as a bunch of values / intentions / ways of living that I strive for, and if I'm going to spend a lot of time around someone, I would like that to support each other in such striving. I struggle to imagine which of these points I might consider non-important moving forward, but hey, I guess it's possible!